Here’s how my weekend went…
Hello there, welcome back. I’ve been a little silent over the past couple of days. I do apologise for that. My weekend didn’t quite go to plan. So I thought we could have a bit of a catch up. This weekend just gone I had no plans, and I must say I was very much looking forward to it. I was going to spend the weekend relaxing and full of selfcare. Whilst also having the perfect balance of productivity. I was hoping to re-fresh the house, write endless amounts of blog posts and help future me get ahead for this week. Now on paper that all sounded ideal and perfectly manageable. Now shall we recap what actually happened?
If you saw Blogmas day 8 you will have noticed it was very very short and sweet, I think it was a sign of things to come now I am looking back on my rather draining weekend. After I posted my little day 8 post I tried to go to bed but I just couldn’t fall asleep. It felt as though my brain was on overdrive and there was just endless noise getting louder and louder in my head.
Does anyone else's anxiety sometimes just skyrocket at nighttime? Most times when things get bad like that at night my usual coping mechanisms such as journaling, reading, meditating, listing to a podcast, white noise, oil diffusers and pillow sprays help me no end and with in a few minutes I am feeling very zen and relaxed, and I drift off to sleep a whole lot quicker than without those things. 99% of the time these little techniques are fool proof. However, this weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all an exception to my rule. For those days where my anxiety literally takes over as uncomfortable as it is I just sit with and work through the feelings. Most of the time for me one of the only ways I can get through it is by distracting myself and just waiting it out until I feel tired… I have been known to clean my flat from top to bottom, rearrange the layout of the whole space, now this may come as a shock but washing up has proven to be a good distraction in the past. Anything other than laying in bed counting sheep and just hoping I fall asleep. When I feel this anxious the longer I just lay there the worse it gets. So my one really distraction is social media, TV and Netflix. I am an absolute sucker for a little reality tv and I will tell you the exact reason why I love it and why it helps. Anything like TikTok or reality tv allows you to zone out of your life for a little while and feel immersed in other peoples just for a snippet of time or for however long you choose. For that moment in time you almost forget about how you are feeling and it helps you zone out. I did this all weekend. I found myself caught in a very vicious and unfortunately familiar cycle. My weekend consisted of waking up late and having to really drag myself up, no earlier than 11 am. I accomplished nothing productive during and ticked nothing off my to do list, I couldn’t fall asleep until 3-4 in the morning, had a pretty bad sleep and then I almost pressed repeat on the day before. Overall it was a pretty draining weekend. I felt so numb, sad and just frustrated at how I was feeling. I just always feel like I am taking so many steps backwards when I have a few days or more like this. However once I put my rational brain on and took a step back from how I was feeling everything was perfectly fine. All of my feelings were completely valid and everything is ok.
I wasn’t too sure how to sum up the past couple of days but hopefully I managed to get it across in my post.
I just want this to be a reminder to anyone else out there who is struggling that it's going to be okay. I promise you are never alone, even though at times everything seems so incredibly lonely. You are incredibly strong and capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for.
It’s okay not to be okay!
I will see you tomorrow for a more joyous post and Blogmas day 13!!
Bye❤️